Problems affect individuals, companies, organisations and countries alike, and David Bogan knows all about them. Thirty years plus experience facilitating solutions for murder, medical misadventures, civil and criminal frauds, matrimonial, family and relationship disputes has resulted in several books.
This latest solution-packed paperback in eight parts covers many situations we find ourselves in as we go through life.
The foreword explains the title. “People with problems often have sleepless nights and Bogan has set out to address those problems and help lessen the tensions that keep you awake”.
The problem solving expert, who delivers his message with highlighted text, stories to illustrate important concepts and key points at the end of each paragraph, also suggests “marking areas of the book that resonate with you while you are reading it”.
Bogan says conflict is the lifeblood of normality, so while dealing with it may be uncomfortable, it is necessary.
Conflict ensues when boundaries or our perimeters are challenged or breached and you don’t feel safe, the author explains. “We live within fluid and dynamic boundaries which are constantly changing, being challenged and being breached, mostly in a minor way, but sometimes in major ways.”
The first part covers ‘how to use this book’, with part two going on to explain how communication is the stone wall of civilization. It covers how to deal with each communication category: the family, the workplace, professional interactions and challenging individuals – mainly narcissists, the clinically depressed and anxious people.
Parts three to five deal with why problems occur, responding to them and exploring ways to approach and solve them. For instance, Bogan asks, “Do you react (knee jerk) or respond, and explains how and why this makes a significant difference.
Problem solving structures are explored and the five ingredients of good communication are looked at – active listening, validation, honesty, empathy and both parties being ready and willing to communicate.
How to approach the problem using your subconscious mind or E-tuning, to know where on the safety spectrum between safe and unsafe the person with whom you are communicating is, comes in part six.
In the second to last section, Bogan identifies answers and looks at painless solutions.
“If there was to be only one cause for sleepless nights, then this could well be it – people going through endless, tumultuous and contortionist processes trying to find a painless solution.” The reality is that painless solutions, especially in the area of family or relationship breakdowns, are seldom possible or probable.
Finally, there’s information on when and how to get help.
Essentially, Bogan believes people in dispute can both be right and usually are, and his business practice is built around this concept.
This could be the advice you’ve been waiting for to set you up for the rest of the year and beyond and there’s every chance it could stop you having sleepless nights.
Linda Donald is an Auckland-based freelance writer and book reviewer. Email firstname.lastname@example.org