How to manage conflict in a family business

There’s a certain ‘Christmas Dinner Rule’ that should not be broken if you want to manage conflict in a family business.

Ten years ago a father decided to give 100 percent of his shares of the family business to his oldest son. He barely discussed this with his family and other children and thinking he was making the right decision, and ignoring the others opnion he transferred the shares. This was despite his daughter and his other son having worked there full time for the previous 10 years.

The fall-out through the family has rumbled on for the past 10 years. Now, the son who inherited the shares only occasionally speaks to his father. He thinks the rest of the family blame him. The daughter has not spoken to her father for 8 years and nor have her children spoken to him.

The father exclaimed in tears that he “never started the business to tear his family apart”, but this is exactly what happened. It’s the true story of a family that has totally broken down.

This is a prime example of someone who has totally broken the Christmas Dinner Rule.

Having worked with many family businesses over the last 12 years, Philip Pryor has seen first-hand how families in business deal with conflict…

Christmas is for families…

For most families, Christmas holds the promise of a wonderful time spent with loved ones. A time to relax and celebrate.

But Christmas can also cause stress and familial conflict. When you throw in the added pressures of running a business with the people you’re sitting around the dinner table with, it can be extremely challenging.

It’s not easy … or stress free

Running a business with family members isn’t easy. You can simultaneously be a daughter, a director and a shareholder. In this mix, you’re also responsible for employees, managing risk and investing and growing family money.

And of course, you have to work professionally with parents and other relatives – putting aside all those irritating habits that family members have.

Are we asking the impossible? No, but it has its challenges.

Christmas can bring out the best … and worst in us

It’s no secret that the holiday season can place greater tension on already strained family and business relationships. In fact, in years as a trusted adviser to many family businesses, Pryor has seen how volatile families can become at a time when they should be joyous.

Tension between business priorities and family relationships can lead to conflict over these holiday periods … and can cause irreparable damage.

A potent brew…

The chance to work with family members who we trust with our lives can be extraordinarily rewarding. Family are usually the only ones who will go that extra mile for us and for the business. But the combination of love and money is a potent brew.

We often hurt the ones we love most

We often say things to family members that we would never say to anyone else. We are often tougher on family members and they can aggravate us in ways that no non-family member can.

So what is the Christmas Dinner Rule? And why is it so important to stick to?

The Christmas Dinner Rule is the key rule for any families who work together in business.

With Christmas approaching, there are a few things we need to do as a family, to ensure we don’t break the rule.

Yes, you can have your fights, your arguments and disagreements… But… (and it’s a big but…) you need to remember, this is family. All arguments and fights need to be kept at a level where you can all sit around the Christmas dinner table and enjoy each other’s company. Otherwise, it turns into holiday hell.

Five rules for families at Christmas

Talk about family and what’s going on with them—what the kids are up to, what’s the next adventure, celebrate the achievements, the near misses. Forget the business—keep business conversations and family conversations separate.
Forget the arguments and disagreements you’ve had over the years. They might be important at the time but this is Christmas dinner and right now, that is far more important.
Remember, while some members of your family may irritate you—you probably do the same to them. You know each other better than anyone else, so be patient. Be aware, don’t say or do things that can’t be undone.
Forgive.. Ok so your sister have ordered twice as much stock as you usually need at this time of year…—however, it’s just not that important!
Remember what the real priority is—your family. Every family says they’ll never let the business get in the way of the family. However, this does happen if you’re not careful, and it is a total disaster when it does. And Christmas becomes very lonely and quiet…..Leaving the issues at the front door of the family home is a great way to put a separation between family and business. Be transparent about these intentions and decide to pick any issues back up in a constructive way in the New Year.

If you follow these tips, when Christmas day comes along, you should all be willing to sit down at the table and have a Christmas dinner filled with laughter.

And on Christmas Day…

Recognise how lucky you are to have your amazing family around you.

Feel how much love there is around the table and how important you are to everyone…

… despite your son insisting that you follow the silly OH&S rules!

… or your sister shooting down your latest investment idea that you knew was going to make a motza!

You’re family. And there is nothing quite as important as family.

We run a business to make money and provide a living for ourselves and our family. Family comes first – the business should never get in the way of family relationships – this is what the Christmas Dinner rule is all about.

Article supplied by Family Business Central. Phone 027 4118820 or visit: www.familybusinesscentral.com