The art of mastering difficult conversations at work

Professional communications expert Pete Burdon shares practical strategies to manage emotions, prepare effectively, and turn tense discussions into opportunities for growth.

Difficult conversations at work are unavoidable. Whether it’s addressing an underperforming employee or informing a client of bad news, these discussions can be uncomfortable. Many people avoid them, hoping the issue will resolve itself, but this rarely happens. Instead, problems grow, resentment builds, and relationships suffer. Others do initiate them, but they spiral out of control, the issue remains unresolved and resentment still builds. These outcomes can do tremendous brand damage, not to mention how they can impact bottom lines.

Why do some conversations feel so hard?

Conversations become difficult when emotions are involved. People feel personally invested in the outcome, and when there’s disagreement or uncertainty, tensions can rise. If someone feels their livelihood or professional ability is being questioned, they may react defensively. This is a natural response. It’s the brain’s way of protecting itself from perceived threats.

For this reason, managing emotions is just as important than choosing the right words. If people feel heard and respected, they are more likely to stay open to the discussion, even if they don’t agree with what’s being said.

Setting yourself up for success

Preparation is key to making a tough conversation smoother. The more thought you put into it beforehand, the better you’ll handle it in the moment. Start by gathering the facts. Many workplace conflicts stem from misunderstandings, so be sure you’re clear on what actually happened rather than relying on assumptions.

We all make assumptions daily. For example, if you need to talk to a client about a complaint they have made, you might have minimal details. But you are likely to make lots of assumptions with no idea if they are true. For example, you may tell yourself the person will be unreasonable, won’t think you are good at your job and will dismiss any suggested outcomes you offer. We all do this, but it’s dangerous. It means you will enter the conversation with a defensive mindset rather than be open. It will limit your ability to show empathy if it’s appropriate and your body language will show all this even if your words don’t. This is why it’s crucial to focus on the facts only.

While we don’t want to make these assumptions, it’s still important to consider the other person’s perspective. What might they be feeling? What is at stake for them? Are they likely to be defensive, surprised, or relieved that the conversation is happening? Thinking about their mindset in advance will help you frame your message in a way that’s more likely to be received well.

It’s also important to be clear on what you want to achieve. Is the goal to solve a problem, improve a relationship, or prevent a future issue? If you go into the conversation without a clear purpose, it can quickly lose direction.

Finally, prepare your message. This is often missed but having two or three key points you want to focus on is important, particularly because most people remember very little when emotions are high so you need to keep focused on a few things. One helpful structure is to acknowledge concerns, explain your perspective, and focus on solutions. For example, if an employee is underperforming, you might say: “I know you’ve been dealing with a heavy workload, and I appreciate your efforts. I’ve noticed that some deadlines have been missed, and I’d like to discuss how we can ensure things stay on track.” This approach shows understanding while keeping the focus on solutions rather than blame.

Keeping the conversation on track

Once the discussion starts, the way you communicate is just as important as what you say. Listening is the first priority. Let the other person speak without interruption, even if you disagree. Often, people just want to feel heard before they can engage in a meaningful discussion. Nodding, paraphrasing their points, and maintaining eye contact can help signal that you’re listening.

Watch your body language. Research shows that nonverbal communication plays a huge role in how messages are received. Crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, or a tense posture can make the other person feel shut out. Keeping an open posture, making eye contact, and gesturing regularly with open palms can help keep the conversation constructive.

Fight or flight

I mentioned earlier how tensions can rise when people feel threatened. When this happens, it’s because one or both parties have entered the fight or flight response. The fight response is usually seen in difficult conversations through anger, while flight is when someone shuts down or leaves. If the other party shows either of these signs, you need to identify the threat they are feeling and try to eliminate it. Sometimes this can be done by simply recognising their concern, while other times you’ll need to probe them for details of what the real concern is because it may not be exactly what you assume it is.

You also need to watch yourself because you can also enter this state. Often this is because of assumptions you’ve made. You also need to watch your body language because if it’s negative, it could be why the other person has become angry or shut down. Remember if your words and body language aren’t in sync, people will always believe the body language.

Ending on the right note

A conversation that starts well can still go wrong if it ends poorly. Summarise the key points before wrapping up to ensure there’s no confusion. If actions need to be taken, clarify what they are and who is responsible for what. Try to end on a positive note, even if there was disagreement.

While there is more to mastering different conversations than can be covered here, these points do illustrate  the basics. With the right training and preparation, anyone in business can turn tense situations into opportunities to grow brand reputations and bottom lines.